I don’t fancy myself to be the most eloquent person so, please bear with me as I try to communicate using these little symbols that represent sound.

Last Saturday, I was visiting my parents and my sisters were there. My older sister’s daughter (who is just over two years old), was clinging to her favorite toy, a little stuffed bear. I was amused by her adorable, “Don’t you even think about” reaction when I told her I was going to “get him”.

With that reaction in mind, I was compelled to ask my Mother if I, or my siblings had any similar “security blankets”. While I already knew more or less about my sibling’s, when she described mine, I had no idea what she was talking about.

After a few minutes, my Mother went to her room and came back a few minutes later holding a small stuffed animal. It was a little yellow dog.

Suddenly, I was overcome with with various unexpected emotions. I totally recognized this toy! It was like a dam in my mind had collapsed, and a flood of childhood memories was finally released.

Now, I’ve always been a somewhat sentimental guy but, not usually too concerned about material things/possessions. Seeing my long lost puppy, the only childhood friend who had never hurt me, was different than seeing any old piece of nostalgia. More than any random material thing from the past. I remember the feelings I had playing with this toy. I remember the comfort I had when I hugged him. The safety I perceived by just holding him back when I was still scared of the dark. Looking into his eyes when both his and mine were new. Always knowing that he was looking back. I remember thinking not that he was a pet (I had no idea of the concept yet) but, that he was an actual friend.

I know this may all sound a bit odd but, I never really think about my childhood because of the sadness and negativity that I now associate with it.

Being given this simple toy from thirty (yes, thirty!) years ago, I could almost feel the long dead neural connections re-forming in my brain, bridging the gap between my past and present self. I felt like I had amnesia and just got my memory back! It was as if my 4 year old self had to perish but, wanted to leave something for me to remember him by. Yet I didn’t. I totally forgot about the sad little boy with the funny bowl haircut who never felt comfortable anywhere but in his own imagination. I can’t thank my Mother enough for reminding me. Now the absence is replaced by a strong desire to visit this awkward child and reassure him that the world is nowhere near as scary as it seems. Whatever became of that pathetic child?

It occurred to me as a result of this mental journey -brought on by a puppy- that this child, this poor little boy is gone. Forever. If you see my artwork or remember any of my stories and creations, you will associate it with the “adult” me. The grown up me. Whenever my time on this planet is done, you will most likely remember me how I was right before my passing. The grown up me. If I even get my image in the obituaries, it won’t be my younger self at any stage. It will be the grown up me. Not the child. Again, he is gone. Forever.

I don’t lament my youth. I have no regrets at this point. And again, you may find this whole tangent my mind went on somewhat odd but, thanks to my Mother presenting me with this artifact from my past, the bond formed between my current self and the child I used to be is priceless. It also serves as a painful reminder of the fact that I am in fact, an “adult”. I miss my childhood self but, I now have a grown up life that I love. Grown up choices with grown up responsibilities. Not the least of which is the responsibility of figuring out what the heck I should name my little puppy.

— David